For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
