Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
