I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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