Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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