whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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