So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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