FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
