the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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