I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
