at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
