i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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