we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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