I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
