____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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