Is it normal to miss your booty call?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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