Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
