I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
