you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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