someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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