what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
