I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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