He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
