My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
