can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
