If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
