fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
