so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A bitchslap is in order.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
