Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
