so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
