I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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