i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
