Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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