Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
