I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
