u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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