The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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