tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
