Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
