the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
