you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
