Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
