You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
