My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
