just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
