Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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