I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
