booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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