Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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