i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
