Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
