I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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